Pressuring New Moms to Have Self-Care: Why It’s Wrong

Everybody tells you to have self-care after you have a baby. Babies take a lot of time, and it can be hard to find time to your self, but I don’t love the current idea of self-care. Telling a new mom to have self-care shouldn’t mean that we’re telling her to take a shower.

Within a few weeks after I had my son, I remember realizing that I didn’t take any time to have “self-care”. I had heard that you are more at risk for postpartum depression if you aren’t taking care of yourself. I started stressing about how I could fix this. Suddenly, I felt so pressured to take care of myself. Because I was so worried about finding time for myself, I started to dip into postpartum depression.

I believe that we shouldn’t pressure new moms to have self-care. It’s just another pressure that they have to deal with. I believe that self-care should be thought of as optional activities. Moms shouldn’t feel like they HAVE to have self-care on top of all the other things that they are trying to do. It should be optional. It’s okay to bring it up with this mindset, but it’s not okay to pressure it.

So what is self-care then?

If it is an optional activity, then it can be considered self-care. If it is a necessity, it shouldn’t be considered self-care. For example, getting your nails done, doing your make-up extra fancy, taking a bubble bath to relax, etc. might be some good examples of self-care. You could also say that self-care is just taking time for yourself! You might be a crafty person, so take time to do some crafts. Maybe you’re a musical person, take some time to play around with your instrument. Do you love to relax by just mindlessly scrolling on your phone or watching tv? Go do those things without the baby around. HERE are some more great ideas to have self-care.

Necessities, such as showering, brushing your teeth, brushing your hair, taking care of your skin, etc. were necessities before the baby, and they very much still are! These things have to be a part of your day and shouldn’t be considered “self-care” because they are already considered basic hygiene.

But I don’t have time for self-care…

This is easily the biggest problem. It’s hard to find time to do these things that make you relax and feel like yourself. It’s time to recruit! My husband was amazing and totally stepped up to the plate when I mentioned to him that I was feeling depressed. He would do a great job of taking care of the baby while I spent some time on my own. He still does, because I still need my own time (7 months later). Find a family member or friend that can come sit with your baby while you go to another room to do something you want to do.

Even though this idea of self-care isn’t a necessity, it is still important that you try to incorporate it where you can. You need to remember who you are. Motherhood can be very overwhelming, so if you go weeks without doing something for yourself, it is more likely that you will fall into postpartum depression because you feel like you aren’t yourself. It’s a lot easier to find time to yourself once every few days, rather than daily. If you don’t have time to do it often, don’t feel pressured! Being stressed will cause postpartum depression before the lack of “self-care” will.

Summarizing My Thoughts

Self-care should be things that we WANT to do (when we have time), not things that we NEED to do. It’s important to take care of yourself, but hygiene shouldn’t be considered self-care like it is now. New dads don’t consider taking showers as self care, and new moms shouldn’t either.

Check out my post, Being a Mom and Being Self-Conscious. It will help you feel like you are not alone as a new mom!