Being a Mom and Being Self-Conscious
Becoming a mother is a HUGE sacrifice. You give up your body to bring a little babe into the world, which is no easy task! I wanted to get pregnant so bad that I didn’t even think or care about how my body would look later, which is a good thing, but I also didn’t prepare myself for the constant feeling of being self-conscious after I’d given birth. I thought that I was self-conscious before, but oh no. Being pregnant and having a baby really does one to your body. I would never ever regret being pregnant and having my son, but it would be nice to not feel so self-conscious all the time, and to feel more happy and satisfied with myself. I’m going to share my experience with being self-conscious to that you can know you aren’t alone, and then I’ll share some tips to help you overcome that self-consciousness, or at least help it improve!
My Experince
Right after I had my son, people wanted to come meet our new baby, which is to be expected. Friends and family would just love on the baby and ask about how he’s feeding, and how he’s sleeping and how we’re sleeping and what it’s like being parents (which don’t get me wrong, I LOVED talking about my baby), but I RARELY got asked how I was doing, and that really bothered me. I just went through SO much, and nobody seems to care. Nobody cares that I brought this cute little boy into their lives, Nobody cares that I went through so much pain and sacrificed so much to get him here. These were often thoughts that I would have, and looking back, I rightfully had those thoughts! Mommas go through a lot to get a baby here, and they deserve to be recognized for that! I will forever be sure to ask the mommas how the birth went and how they’re feeling, when I go meet a new baby. Because nobody really asked me these questions and I didn’t talk about it, I started worrying that people (especially those who hadn’t had babies) would wonder why I couldn’t get the weight off, or why I’m still so saggy, or why I still have the stretch marks (if they ever happen to see them…). This turned into an awful rabbit hole of feeling self-conscious.
I started to HATE how I looked. I hated looking in the mirror because it just made me depressed. I hated my stretch marks. I hated my gut that I couldn’t get to go away. I hated the extra weight that I put on. I hated how saggy I became. I hated working out because I felt like I was getting nowhere. I hated getting dressed up and going out places because I didn’t feel pretty. I hated putting on pre-pregnancy clothes because they still didn’t fit. It started to get so frustrating, and honestly, it still is frustrating at times.
BUT, there are some ways to view your body as being beautiful and to feel better about yourself. I have slowly found these ways, and I’ve really learned that the little things count. The little things make a world of a difference when you are feeling down about yourself. Above all though, spending time with that CUTE baby that YOU created and carried inside of YOUR body, is SUCH a MIRACLE and you can’t ever forget that. WOMEN ARE AMAZING. Those stretch marks are battle scars and marks that you birthed that child! And guess what!? That is an amazing thing! That saggy gut, you can cover it up! That extra weight, you can work it off! Those saggy boobs, they’re feeding your baby! Women’s bodies are amazing miracles and if we didn’t have some way to show that we grew a child inside of us, I honestly think that we’d be a little sad.
How to Cope with it
It is totally normal to still feel self-conscious, no matter what you try to do to overcome it, but here are a few things that I try to do to help me to feel better about myself. Since I’ve been doing these things, I have gotten better about loving my new body and appreciating what it has done for me and my child.
Get ready everyday, or at least more often than you might otherwise. Getting cleaned up, doing your hair and putting makeup on, can make you feel so much better about yourself! You feel prettier, and that is a huge confidence boost! I am a stay-at-home mom, so I don’t always have a reason to put makeup on and do my hair. When I do get cleaned up, even if it’s for no reason at all, I feel so much better about myself and so much happier throughout the day! I feel less slobby, and more like a productive mom!
Treat yourself to some at-home spa/self-care activities. Paint your nails, do some face masks, take a bath with a bath bomb, spend some time conditioning your hair, shave your legs, do some teeth whitening, etc. You get the idea. Take some time to care for yourself! You will feel like a million bucks when you’re done. I used to do this all the time, and then I had a baby and it became so much harder. The little things make a world of a difference now. When I have time to shave my legs, I feel so much better about myself! When I paint my nails, I actually feel like a woman and not just a mom haha. Even if you only get to do one “care” activity each day or every other day, you’ll appreciate it. Taking time to care for yourself, no matter how you do it, will help boost your confidence levels a lot!
Working out and eating healthier will help you feel better too. I know, these are the worst. Nobody wants to work out and nobody likes eating healthy, but they really will help you feel better! Not only will you mentally feel better doing these things, but you will physically start to look better after being dedicated for some time. Obviously you’ll feel less self-conscious when you start to look better too!
Really taking it to heart when people, especially your spouse/partner, compliments you. There isn’t much to be said about this besides the fact that we often time just brush off compliments from others. Really taking those compliments to heart can help you feel great and help you remember that not everyone sees what you see in yourself everyday.
It’s All SOOO WORTH it.
You will probably still miss your pre-pregnancy body, and that is OKAY. You’ll still have days where you will feel down about your body image, and that is OKAY. That’s life, and that’s what we gave up, but we gave it up for the best reason ever. Those babies are so worth it! When mothers go from having babies and toddlers to suddenly having teenagers and adult children, they’re so grateful for the children that they brought into the world. By time that stage of life comes, you aren’t wanting to go party in a bikini anyway, so motherhood and the mom bod, is so worth it. Do you have any ways that help you boost your confidence levels? Tell me in the comments!
22 Comments
Sydney Delong-Eat Simply Sweet
I felt this 100%! I had my first baby last year, and I struggled with my image afterward, and also felt alone and that no one would ask how I was. Especially with how common post partum depression is, we need to focus on momma too. Working out has really been helping me feel better about myself!
Anonymous
Can’t imagine the changes one’s body must go through with pregnancy and birth. Glad you are getting your self esteem back!
Holly
So many new moms go through this and your journey will help so many! Great read!
Sabrina
I also was not prepared for the changes in my body. However, we are told to move on. Thanks for expressing what so many of us didn’t , can’t and won’t say about becoming a Mom.
Kathleen
Thank you for sharing, mama to two boys here and becoming a mom is so tough! To boost confidence I have tried to make time for self care every day but I was not so successful at realizing I needed that with a newborn. Good for you for realizing now what you can do to improve those tough feelings!
Megan
This is so relatable! I had moments still (years later) when I am self conscious about myself, and I regularly have to tell myself “But looks what I’ve been through!” (multiple kids). It is such a blessing to be able to have a baby, but it definitely brings those self-conscious feelings.
Barbara
Each new Mom has her journey. This post will surely provide insight to many!
Debbie
Good reminder for us to always ask how Mommy is doing. You are right, it is a tough job, pregnancy included. Being mindful of postpartum depression is another excellent point. Love your body and all of it’s battle scars. They will lessen while you are busy with your baby!
Chelsea
As a stay at home, work at home mom, I still struggle with this. It’s hard to get up and get ready or workout or paint my nails when I have three kids who constantly need me. Especially now that they’re not in school because we’re doing distance learning. Self-care just isn’t something I do much of and haven’t for over a decade. I know I need to. Because at times I’ll become resentful. But honestly, like you said, it’s SO worth it. I know this is a limited time in my life. They won’t need me forever. And time is going faster the older they get. So, I’m trying to soak up the moments. Even if I’m still in my pjs at noon (or later *gasp*!) 😉
Keirsten
I don’t have children but I see many of my gfs struggle with the change. Such good tips & insight <3
Alyssa
Great post! I haven’t had kids yet but I have worried about how my body would look afterwards. I can totally understand how you felt uncomfortable in your own skin, I’ve fluctuated on and off with my weight my whole life and no matter what my larger thighs and butt have always made me self conscious. I have learned to accept them and just wear things that I feel pretty in. I love how you’ve started to accept yourself again it isn’t easy to accept body changes but your tips are definitely helpful! Thank you for sharing!
Suzan
So pleased to hear your body image is improving and you are showing yourself some much deserved self love.
Lisa Manderino
The body is amazing! I love that it can create life and it will return to normal.
Elaina Mogren
I found limiting when people could come over helped. Getting ready, even if just for a stroll around the block helped so much. Sometimes you forget to even brush your hair so taking time for yourself is a must!
Sandi Barrett
With all life changes, life changes. Good to see you have a plan for some mommy time.
Marianne
I know how this feels! After my first two were born, I was not happy with my weight, my limp hair, my skin… but I was really lucky, and everything bounced back. That was in my 20s. When I had my 3rd and 4th, I was in my late 30s and NOTHING bounced back! It was hard, even though I knew it was all worth it. Working out, getting enough sleep, and eating properly is a great way to feel better, provided you have the help and support to have the time to do this. My adviceis not to be too shy/proud to ask for help so you can take care of yourself.
KENDRA
Great advice to all of the new mommies out there. My oldest daughter has a two year old, so I could totally relate to so much of this with her journey recently too.
Danielle Ardizzone
I remember not wanting to be seen by anyone – I always felt so haggard and bloated. Thanks for giving new moms the confidence to wear their bodies proudly!
Alice
I never got the opportunity to give birth so I cannot relate. You make some good post birth suggestions.
Melissa Jones
Great info! It’s so hard at first!
Cindy Moore
I totally remember that time right after the baby! My daughter and her husband just welcomed their first child two weeks ago. While we all absolutely adore that baby girl, I’m also trying to give my grown baby girl some extra attention and helping out with little things and not so little things. She appreciates it.
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