How Having a Baby Changes Your Marriage

It’s 2:00 AM and the baby starts crying. Dad gets up to grab the baby and gives him to mom. While mom feeds the baby, she angrily stares dad down for being asleep. How dare he be sleeping so soundly while I have to sit awake for who knows how long. He should be staying awake with me. These are some of the thoughts running through mom’s head, as if it’s dad’s fault that the baby woke up due to hunger… After baby finishes eating, mom wakes dad up to put the baby back to sleep, but baby is wide awake and cute as ever. Mom and dad sit and smile at baby and study out their precious bundle of joy. They love this little human that they created and they love each other even more because they created him together and he is all theirs!

This simple scenario is what marriage is like post-baby. Can I tell you a secret? When I was 30 weeks pregnant, I started obsessing over the fact that my marriage would change in about 10 weeks. I was SO scared that my marriage would go downhill because I knew that my baby would need more attention than my husband, for a long time. I LOVED my marriage (and I still do!) and I didn’t want it to change at all. Let me tell you another secret. Your marriage WILL change and you can’t stop that from happening, but it will change for the better! Forward back to post-baby life: I absolutely ADORE my husband, but there are also times when I am so frustrated and overwhelmed (because of baby) that I let it all out on him. Many husbands will do the same to their wives. Becoming a dad is hard too! There are multiple ways that your marriage will change after having a child. There are really, really hard things that come along with having a baby, but there are seriously amazing things too.

1. You Grow to Love Each Other SOOOO Much More

I didn’t think it was possible to love my spouse any more than I already did. I felt like I had the absolute best relationship with him and that we couldn’t be any happier. Then I saw him hold our son in his arms for the first time. I saw him become a dad, and a darn good one at that. I saw him cuddle our son. I saw him change our son’s diaper. I saw the love in his eyes for our sweet baby. Witnessing those things just about made my heart melt. I didn’t even have to talk to him and cuddle with him to feel an ENORMOUS amount of love for him that was growing every moment. And I know that he feels the same about me. It is crazy how you come together over something that most people might think to bring you apart.

2. Communication Becomes a Challenge

When you have a baby, communication between you and your spouse definitely decreases. This has been something hard for me, because my husband and I are SO chatty together, and I really feel like that is one of the important ways that we show our love to each other. We would lay in bed and talk for HOURS prior to falling asleep before we had a baby. After we had our son, it became hard to have carried out conversations before we got interrupted by a crying baby. It’s also hard to spend a lot of time talking at night when you are SO tired. Communication is definitely something that you have to adjust to, but with time, you’ll have a new “normal” figured out!

3. You Have to Trust and Rely on Each Other a Lot More.

When you’re in charge of a little human that can’t take care of themselves, you have to bring a lot of trust and dependency into your marriage. When I can’t be there to take care of the baby, I have to trust that my husband knows what to do and vice versa. It is easy to believe that your spouse doesn’t completely know how to do what you usually do, speaking from example. I know, without a doubt, that my husband could take care of our baby for an entire day without my help, but anytime I leave, I fell the need to go over everything with him again. This isn’t exactly trust and dependency (so obviously something I should work on!), so it is important to remember that your spouse is just as capable as you are when it comes to taking care of your child. The trust and dependency can go for many other things as well! In my situation, I have to trust that my husband will go to work and make us enough money to live off of. You have to become much more repsonsible when you add a baby into your marriage!

4. You Appreciate Alone Time A Lot More

Alone time becomes precious once you have a baby, even when they are in their new born stage. Babies are hungry a lot, so they take up a lot of time crying and eating. I really started to miss the physical aspect of our marriage in those first couple of months because it felt like I was ALWAYS holding the baby to either calm him down or feed him. He would sleep in his bassinet, but would (and still does, as I’m writing this) take 30-45 minute naps. When you have so many other things to do during nap time, it can be hard to make time for your spouse. I missed the cuddles and good make-out sessions. I missed snuggling while watching movies and always holding hands. Now, any alone time that we get, I absolutely cherish! It is such a treat to be able to cuddle for an extended amount of time and not get interrupted. In a way, the limited alone time, makes it all that much sweeter!

5. You See New Sides of Each Other

Becoming first time parents also involves a lot of firsts in the marriage. My husband watched me give birth, and that entailed a lot of new sides of me that he had never seen. I saw my husband cry when they gave me the baby to hold for the first time. That was a first for me to see! Many couples see new sides of each other when it comes to depression, frustration, love and so much more.

6. You Can’t Be as Spontaneous as You Used to Be.

Before we had our son, we would randomly go out to eat, or go shopping so that we could make something for dessert. We would call up our friends/family last minute and go hang out. We would go on fun dates randomly, and let’s be real here- spontaneous sex! Once you have a baby, you have to work around the baby’s schedule (which involves short time limits often times) so you can’t just get up and leave to go do something together. You really have to plan things out, which can be a good thing, but not necessarily as fun!

Overall, bringing a baby into your life and creating a family, is the greatest thing you could possibly do. It comes with hard moments, but is made up by the MANY joyful moments. My marriage has gotten so much better in so many ways because we have become parents. We appreciate each other so much more now, and it is a kind of appreciation that can only come from having children together. We have also learned to work better together. We thought we were a great team before we had a baby, but there is a lot more “working together” that comes along with taking care of a baby and raising a child. Your marriage WILL change, but it will change in the best way possible!